As I tell this story, you must think in slow motion and exhale frost and steam. That is how it comes to me in my memory.
In the winter of 1986 or early 1987, my then fiancée Kim and I were traveling north to Bowling Green University in Ohio. We were driving my father's window van. The day was cloudy and cold. I had been driving and got tired and asked Kim to drive. I got into the passenger seat, put a Beatles tape in the Sony Boom Box that was between our seats, put my seatbelt on (a very rare occurrence in those days) and laid my seat back. Apparently, I fell asleep. I woke up when the tape came to an end. I was surprised to see that there was deep snow on the ground around us and that there was 2 or 3 inches of snow on the road as well. I noticed that Kim had the van on cruise control. We were traveling at about 60 mph. I reached down to flip the tape in the boombox. We were crossing a bridge when a small red car changed lanes from the slow lane to the high speed lane directly in front of us. It was trying slip around another car before we passed. It was too close. Kim hit the brakes. Lots of things happened.We were in a van that was light in the back and handled poorly in the snow, we were going quickly, we were on a bridge, and when the brakes were applied and the cruise control came off the van lurched. The fishtail started, right, left, right, left. I said "Kim..Kim..Kim." Each time wanting to tell her to take an action, but by the time her name was out of my mouth, the moment for that action was gone. I saw her take her hands from the wheel. They were about 3 inches from either side of her head. She was whipping from side to side. There was a ravine to our right. The van went over the edge on the right side of the road and went air born. There was a large highway sign with steel girders imbedded in concrete pylons that we were flying toward filling our entire windshield. "Oh no.," I thought. And then it slowly disappeared above us as the nose of the van dipped. We were rolling tail over nose.
The corner of the van just above the driver's door hit the ground first. I remember seeing it misshape and roll in toward us. I remember seeing Kim's head hit the post. The windshield spider webbed with a cold cracking sound (the first sound that I remember since we left the road. Though in my mind I remember Kim's voice . not exactly crying out. rejecting the circumstance , the reality maybe? As the van rolled onto its back, the windows down either side of the van exploded into the van two at a time, one on either side of the van.Crash, Crash, Crash. The roof of the van crumpled in to the same level as my head.
We came to rest. There was deep snow around us. It was cold. Both of us were hanging upside down in our seatbelts. The engine continued to run. Green antifreeze dripped onto the crumpled windshield. Glass covered the caved roof. I lifted myself up and unbuckled my seatbelt. I reached up and turned off the engine. I was afraid there might be a fire. I crawled across the roof to Kim and asked if she was alright. I asked 3 or 4 times. "Are you alright?" "Are you hurt?" "Kim." I don't think she ever responded. I lifted her up and unbuckled her seatbelt, lowering her to the glass strewn roof. She was conscious and responding to me. I tried to open my door, but it was jammed shut. I headed toward the windshield. It was dangling from its frame. I was going to kick it out and make a way for us to escape that way. We started hearing someone banging on Kim's door yelling at us to unlock it. I did. They wrenched that door open. (Strange, I remember that it was that door that was opened. That was the more severely damaged door, though. I could be wrong about that detail, but I don't think so.) We crawled out of the van. I don't know anything about the people who stopped for us. There were a number of cars. Thank you if you are out there and ever read this. We waited for help. Kim was more severely hurt than either of us realized for a number of months. The blow to her head hurt her, but we didn't know how badly.
And anytime you feel the pain Hey Jude refrain
Don't carry the world upon your shoulders
For now you know that it's a fool who plays it cool
By marking his world a little colder
Da da da da da da da da da
-The Beetles
Things happen quickly. Life with or without Hodgkin's is fragile. Build your foundations well and suffer no break in your relationships. Our time comes like a "thief in the night."
email me
